Their desire for attention is almost insatiable, so much so that the child often doesn't seem to care whether the attention they receive is positive or negative. It would have to just have pictures for mine. These close moments convey a BIG message: I love you and I am here for you. These tips become even more valuable as they become teenagers when they struggle to accept they are valued and loved. I pinned them on my “Gentle Parenting” Board. No spam, I promise :), how important it is to give positive attention to our kids, constantly on the lookout for ways to affirm, encourage and build up our kids, 70 Birthday Quiz Questions - Family-Friendly Party Fun, 19 Lapland UK Secrets You'll Wish You Knew Before, What To Do When You've Really Messed Up Parenting, Squeeze hands (we do 3 squeezes as a secret code for “I love you”), Tell them how much you enjoy their company, Take a photo of something they’re proud of, Surprise them with their favourite snack at school pick up, Make a point of planning in time together, Let them overhear you telling someone else about their good behaviour, Tell them you’ve noticed their good behaviour, Hand on their head / back / arm as you walk past, Text them a compliment / joke / gif so they know you’re thinking of them, Go to parent assembly even if they haven’t got a certificate that week, Stick their certificate / picture on the wall, Ask if you can join in / watch what they’re doing, Send an interesting YouTube clip on something you’ve been chatting about recently, Stay and watch their sports training / music rehearsal, Put a note in their lunchbox / pencil case, Leave a surprise on their pillow for bedtime, Dig out some old photos and reminisce on your shared memories, Explicitly comment on their good behaviour. This does not mean you are providing your child any less love or affection, it simply means that your child … Make sure that you are not one of those parents. In a busy day, we don't always have time to give our undivided attention, and little ones may find inappropriate ways to try to get it. a)   Take the hearing aids off and put them away for the rest of the day. c)    Ignore her because she may just drift off to sleep. #blogcrush. What a fabulous post. When I use the phrase “positive attention”, I simply mean letting your kids know that you’ve noticed them. Make the first move. I want to print this out as a reminder to myself. So, if you give your child attention after he does something you do not like, the misbehavior can increase. I think a lot of us get wrapped up in how being a parent makes us feel and forget how the child feels about our everyday words and actions. Get your child’s attention. Is your child socially anxious? It’s such a little thing to do but they love it ! How do you send a postcard please? I think you have at long last inspired me to follow through and make it happen! A strong cry might mean, "I'm really hungry and want to eat now!" Lucy has two girls (8 & 4) & lives in Yorkshire (UK). c)    Gently take the hearing aid and hug and calm her. You may hear people say that you should not hold a baby too much, or you will spoil him. Choosing Positive Attention. Positive attention isn’t about throwing a big party every time your child gets a certificate at school, or taking them on holiday because they passed their exams (although it’s fine to do these as well if you wish). Lucy helps parents tune into their kids' needs so they can raise kind, confident, successful humans. You may be trying to access this site from a secured browser on the server. She squirmed in her seat in the cart. Give Your Child Your Time. Situation: Your baby is playing peacefully in his bouncy chair, repeatedly hitting his mobile. Let me know what you do in your house to let them know that you’re thinking of them and to affirm that they are loved all day, every day. Your teacher does not want your child … Did that bother you?". Gentle Parenting and Respectful Discipline. Consistency helps your baby learn to expect and trust that you will respond. It looks like your browser does not have JavaScript enabled. Children thrive on attention and if they can’t get it by being well behaved, they will get it by being naughty. You ignore their behaviour and you fail to listen carefully to what your child … Just something as simple as a nod of approval or a smile really can boost a child’s confidence. My boys (3yo) have finally grasped it and theres nothing better than looking over at them and seeing them giving the thumbs up and a smile back at you, Some other great ones in your list Lucy, thanks for sharing! Positive Attention If you find your child doing something good, give him words of encouragement, or reinforce that action with positive rewards. Offering favorite toys may be overly stimulating if the baby is tired. When you give lots of cuddles and hugs, you meet your baby's emotional needs. As a result, many children try out new ways to get attention that are both positive and negative. It's okay.". And the way that we do that is to offer it freely and not be afraid to tell them how proud / impressed / grateful we are when they choose to do the right thing. Press Esc to cancel. Patience and consistent responses to cries are essential in the first six months. I was away all weekend then put a LOL toy in her lunchbox. #BlogCrush, It is amazing the many ways we can show positive attention, and help build positive people #BlogCrush, Thumbs up are my favourite. Touch her to soothe and quiet her. Some people worry that when we give positive attention, we are in danger of creating arrogant kids. It is … Much better to make these lovely, gentle, ‘understated’ gestures often then a grand gesture rarely. They will add up to joy! #thesatsesh xxx, I love the idea of putting flowers in their room and leaving something on their pillow. She is fussy but doesn't want the bottle. Explain to your child the difference between (1) a real emergency (where your immediate attention is warranted), and (2) something that your child wants but isn’t urgent. Throughout the day, you can find all kinds of playful, enjoyable moments. As parents, I think we can all agree we’d rather have the former than the latter! Are you bored? https://www.babybonus.msf.gov.sg/.../BabiesBonding/Babies_Positive_Attention Remember to follow your toddlers' lead and talk about what interests him. She threw the bread on the floor. … d)   After he settles down, play together with the toy and show him it will not hurt. At these young ages, babies fuss for legitimate reasons, including unspent energy, … We can give positive and loving attention to calm her, then give her something to do while we put the aid back in. I think positive attention is so important yet I’ve seen parents who don’t seem to give any at all. This shows that you are genuinely interested in what they’re doing. #blogcrush, Yep – lots of really good tips and reminders here. "You want mommy? This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. And when we spot an opportunity to engage positively or praise them, we need to grab it. We need to be constantly on the lookout for ways to affirm, encourage and build up our kids (because the world will do everything it can to knock them down). I do quite a lot of these but you always give me new ideas. The preschooler I observed in the grocery store yesterday was doing everything she could to get her moms attention. Before I start, though, I want to give a few pointers on how to use positive attention in everyday situations. If we can give positive attention before it’s asked for, it will mean even more to our little ones. b)   Grab the hearing aid from her and put it right back in.​, "That scared you. … With some children, it can be effective to ignore certain behaviors, but others may need to be encouraged to explore a different activity. Flowers the the bedroom, for example is lovely. #Blogcrush, Yes, some good ideas here. This positive attention can include lots of natural language stimulation. The negative behavior continues when it is very effective at getting the attention the child may be lacking at the moment. We want the baby to wear the hearing aid as much as possible so putting it away for the day is not the best option. For instance, if the sink is … Please enable scripts and reload this page. Bend down, squat, or sit next to your child so you can make eye contact. When we respond to these needs, babies develop a sense of "It's okay sweetie. The child would check off each task with you as it is completed, and receive some positive praise or another reward when finished. They give positive attention through facial expression, signing and touch. It's hard for kids to make friends … You are sleepy.". Babies need attention, and you have control over the kind of attention that you give. We also want to respond in a gentle and matter-of-fact way when putting it back in. Will pin this one to read again. Toddlers love to have parents' attention. Another way is to give attention to children for good behavior, yet not distract them while they are behaving, is to gently touch them in a loving way; for example, simply touch their shoulder or back. ​​​​Infants have basic but very important needs. Mom looke… And yes I know that this is a given for 98% of parents, but is it translating to our kids? These responses give positive attention. We are aiming for children who are confident in themselves rather than ones who look down on others. Ignoring her misses an opportunity for closeness that will help your baby go to sleep. In order to teach your child to respond and seek positive attention from you, you must be prepared to So try to avoid making comparisons – e.g. This becomes an essential foundation for later learning, loving and growing. Begin typing your search above and press return to search. But it can be even worse when he doesn’t get what he wants or if he is not getting my attention. Instead, it’s about creating an environment of positive attention. Providing a child a book to look at while Mom or Dad reads a grown … Yoga or meditation. When your child behaves well, give him lots of positive attention. #blogcrush, Oh I do love this post! When your baby fusses, what do you do naturally? Familyeducation.com states that there are 3 types of attention: positive attention, negative attention, and no attention… Did you pick C and D? Physical contact and cheerful interaction help your baby learn to socialize and be playful. There are even more significant ways that your child can show you he wants you to be with him in case you might not understand the first clue. So today I want to give you as many ideas as I possibly can to give positive attention to your child. All too often I think adults have a tendency to focus on the negative aspects of any given situation instead of focusing on the positives. Child behavior experts call this “active ignoring.” By withdrawing your attention, you are sending the message that acting out is not the way for them to get what they want. #blogcrush, As ever, a great post. Mommy is here. , This is great. By naming your baby's feelings you will be preparing him to find positive ways to express those feelings later on. By nature, babies cry a lot. Looking at your child, smiling at them, showing you find them entertaining and amusing, going a little overboard with praise, picking them up if they’re crying – no child can be damaged by … Before considering any alternative interventions, talk with your doctor to determine if the therapy is safe. © 2017 Boys Town National Research Hospital. You reinforce this message when, as soon as you see them calming themselves down or obeying an instruction, you do give them your attention. "You like your toy. You pick him up and soothe him. Any attention you give after your child’s behavior makes the behavior more likely to happen again. But as babies begin to move, we often wish that they would stop doing some things. b)   Grab the hearing aid for her and put it right back in. She is a passionate about using gentle parenting to nurture children, and her down-to-earth advice focuses on respectfully and kindly helping little ones (and big ones) thrive. Give your child plenty of positive attention when he's behaving, and ignoring his misbehavior will be an effective consequence. It is just a normal, everyday part of being at home; a child steps through the door and instantly knows that they are cherished, accepted, valued, appreciated. Mommy loves you. P​ut the hearing aid back in her ear once she is calm. Using affection as a reward can be an effective way to let your child know you approve of their behavior. Did that bother you?" What you are aiming for, of course, is to give your child positive attention, but often we find ourselves giving the exact types of negative attention that we are hoping to avoid. But the two recurring themes through the list are: Our kids need to know that our attention is readily available whenever they need it. EMAIL: lucy@lucyathome.co.uk, I love this post. A and D are the best choices. b)   Show her favorite toys and try to stop her fussing. Situation: Your deaf baby is fussy in her infant seat and seems ready for a nap but will not settle down. So I’ve already mentioned a few examples of everyday ways to give positive attention to our kids but now I’m going to give you a nice long list of ideas to try. Lucy has two girls (8 & 4) & lives in Yorkshire (UK). She took items off the shelf. Positive attention is about letting our kids know, in no uncertain terms, that we see them and we treasure them. They are so useful and encouraging and help me to remain calm and considerate when I’m parenting rather than getting frustrated and making it all about how I feel. Are you bored? Her mom asked her to please stop whining, replaced the pilfered items, picked up the bread and pleaded with her daughter to please, please be good and she would get some candy when they left. They express what the baby is feeling and help him calm himself down. As mentioned above, some children only receive 7 minutes of one on one time a day from their parents. Common mistakes parents make with an attention seeking child: You assume that they don’t have the skills to do the job, when they really do. Parents of young infants are busy people. Situation: Your hard of hearing baby is fussing and tugging at her hearing aid. d)   Give her something fun to mouth and explore and then slip the aid back in. Ok, I must admit that my son is a screamer. Learn how your comment data is processed. Thank you, Really love these tips. www.handsandvoices.org/resources/fostering-joy.htm, Parenting: A Guide to Your Baby's First Years (1999). a)   Pick her up, smile and sign to her. Positive attention for behaviour means catching your child being good and praising them. Lucy helps parents tune into their kids' needs so they can raise kind, confident, successful humans. Let's play.". #blogcrush Xx, Some great ideas here!!! It is healthy for a marriage and healthy for the child to understand that there are limits and parents need time for each other. Babies need positive attention when they experience feelings. See, it is fine. When possible, run errands with one child at a time. Thanks for hosting, I like what you said there about making the first move. She pulls it out and tries to put it in her mouth. Don’t wait until they ask you to look at their drawing – go over and ask to have a look yourself! Do you need to show him another way to get your attention. You may give your child a high five, a pat on the … At these young ages, babies fuss for legitimate reasons, including unspent energy, hunger, or teething. It is good to consider why he is trying to get your attention. You will give different kinds of positive attention as your baby's age changes. I think I’m going to make a big effort to even use some of these on the grown ups I like in my life !!! “This picture is great; much better than Jonathan’s.” Also, encourage your child to affirm and build up others by following your example – this will give them a heart that looks for the good in others. You may have already noticed that your baby cries in different ways to communicate different needs. I’ve been writing a lot recently about how important it is to give positive attention to our kids. Please turn on JavaScript and try again. He begins to cry. Of course, growing up is really about learning what we should do.​. Give your child (and yourself) a break. This everyday routine helps your baby learn that he can count on you to respond to his needs. #BlogCrush, Just adore your confession of the secret ‘I love you’ code amongst the many fabulous tips!